Reflection...

It's days like today when I am reminded just how much I love being a stay at home mom. It's 80 degrees out, the sun is shining and my boys are outside digging in the dirt and eating popsicles. I'm sitting here on my porch swing blogging and watching my boys be little boys...life couldn't get much better than this! I can't help but reflect on my life before becoming a stay at home mom. Days like today I would be couped up in an office, yearning for moments just like this with my oldest son.

Now, here I am living that dream, soaking up every single moment, trying not to forget to enjoy it along the way. This is where I am meant to be at this time in my life...being at home, watching them grow and just really embracing the moments I have with them for what they are. This is my life and I couldn't be more satisfied with where it has taken me. This journey has been an amazing ride and I can't see myself ever wanting to get off.

Lets Try This Again...

I started this blog almost a year ago in hopes to give everyone a true interpretation of the life of a stay at home mom. Little did I know at that time, that my business would take off and that my free time to blog would go out the window. With a 1 year old and a 3 year old my free time was extremely limited. Now, here I am almost a year later and my boys have found at least a little independence and I feel that it is a good time to start this blog. I hope that you will all enjoy reading the day in the life of this stay at home mom.

And The Saga Begins....

I realized yesterday that it's time for me to open up to the realities of my life. I started a mommy blog about a year ago and while it is an honest interpretation of my feelings about life at home with my boys, it leaves out a lot of the bad and the ugly. Trying to prove to everyone that I'm a great mom and that my kids NEED me to stay at home with them everyday instead of me going back to the dreaded workplace. Because of this, I'm constantly showing my happy face...trying to make people believe that this is the happiest I've ever been in my life. The truth is I'm not even sure what real happiness is anymore. I go days at a time walking around like a zombie with no energy to even attempt to crack a smile. I spend hours out of everyday wondering to myself what it is that I am doing with my life....feelings of inadequacies and a sense of failure come over me daily. Why didn't someone warn me that choosing to stay at home with my boys would be such a mental and emotional adjustment? While I honestly do love staying at home with them (and would never change that), I feel like there is something more that I should be doing with my life. When I'm around the successful women in my life, I find myself feeling like I have nothing to offer this world...in conversation or in just being here. I see the money that they make or the clothes that they wear...I see the material possessions they are able to afford and I'm reminded once again that I have nothing to offer my family financially. We live a very modest lifestyle on my husband's income....one that could and would change dramatically if I ever chose to re-enter the workforce. The thought of doing that honestly makes me sick to my stomach. I hated my old job. When I say I hated it I mean "I HATED IT!!!" I went to work with a smile on my face when in all honesty I was dreading every minute I would have to be in that office. I would go to the bathroom just to escape my reality and I would remind myself as I looked down at my evergrowing belly, that soon enough my life would be at home with my children like I had so desired for such a long time. It was tough! My boss had multiple personalities and kept me on a constant roller coaster of emotions. I didn't know what kind of mood she would be in that day and what type of anguish I would have to endure. I prayed daily to get fired just so I would never have to walk into that place ever again. It was a chapter in my life I was most certainly ready to close. I was tired of feeling inadequate and underappreciated. Little did I know that becoming a stay at home mom would leave me feeling those exact two feelings. When I started staying home, I felt so blessed to finally be living my dream (and still do). I couldn't believe that this was my life and that I didn't have to leave my babies again. It wasn't until the savings dwindled and my oldest son was home full time that my real reality set in. And that is where this blog begins...with the realities of being a stay at home mom of two boys all while trying to build a successful business that would give my family some financial freedom.